A moob by any other name...

N*Sync vs. Backstreet Boys

Kelly and Jesse vs. Tori

"Moob" vs. ANYTHING ELSE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FAT AND WONDERFUL

These are the battles that have defined my life, which all have rather clear and obvious winners. Friends and readers, I refuse to settle for second-best, and I highly doubt that to describe a chest that is neither flat nor muscular "moobs" is anywhere near even the second-best we can do, nor is its original, expanded form: "man boobs". I think a Moob sounds like a hooded figure who guards a bridge to the castle while singing folk songs. I propose a few alternatives, almost any of which would be more musical to my delicate ears than our existing default term. For the record, I am in possession of a chest that is neither flat nor muscular, so this is personal.

For the purposes of this exercise, I accept the formula of manly word/gainer word + term for a woman's chest = slang, so here goes:

Dits = Dude + Tits http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDRIgq4zH3A

Hammaries = Him + Mammaries http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcYMGs-6Vqg

Secs = Soft + Pecs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vldh7oQD-a4&ob=av3n

Fockers = Fatty + Knockers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKl_Jwc8deU&NR=1

Meats = Man + Teats http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTriy1729l0

Shooters = Sir + Hooters http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHfMOsVWFN8

Gunbags = Guy + Funbags http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzWExNtzIis&feature=fvsr

Felons = Fellow + Melons http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucaU077ePfE

Chest = Chubby + Breast http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss8LDBNcsWc&feature=related

and, the winner of my vote...

Hugs = He + Jugs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQ0M9CBEkw0

What do you think? What's your preferred term? Am I wrong to loathe "moobs"?