Believe it or not, I'm not here to post as many hot and sexay pictures of myself as possible. A) I'm stingy with my camera. B) I think pictures are good to document changes and can be fun, but if I try to make them... lascivious, they turn out even funnier. I'd much rather y'all laugh with me than at me. Don't get me wrong, a compliment is rarely unwelcome, but I feel decent enough about myself that they aren't the driving force behind my putting myself out here in some capacity.
I've been fortunate to get to know some great folks who have offered online encouragement in the true sense of the word, reminding me I'm not crazy for my interests and providing a digital shoulder to lean on when I'm feeling less than sure I'm doing the right thing, as well as some wonderful face-to-face encounters, but I do feel that for the most part, my progress has been solo. And I've enjoyed it all immensely. However, I've pretty much gone as far as I want on my own. I've stayed steady for almost a year at this point for a blend of conscious and subconscious reasons. For one thing, I'm genuinely content at my size for the first time, wanting more but not needing it to feel good about where I am. For another, I don't want to hit my maximum all by myself and not get to share the experience with a really hot guy who cooks great dinners and makes me laugh more than when milk comes out of my nose. Milk has never come out of my nose, so that might not be a good set of criteria.
In a perfect world, I'd find encouragement in the context of a relationship. I don't think those two elements individually hold too much appeal at this point. I've dated with no encouraging/gaining element and I've had gaining/encouraging run-ins with not so much as a whiff of a relationship and while both are fun and have their place, they're somehow less-than-fulfilling in the grand scheme of fingerlings. And we all know gainers like things to be filling. Actually, if food's not filling we could get more in, but for folks who like the stuffed baked potato situation it wouldn't be as.... sidetracked. I got side dished for a moment there, and I do apolofries.
How much more fun would outgrowing my jeans be if I had a feller who couldn't wait to go shopping with me for new, bigger ones, insisting I try on a few in my old size(s) just to be sure? Speaking of which, part of the reason I'm hesitant to add more without a copilot is that I'm brink-big right now. I can shop at just about any store for clothes that fit fine, but the next couple (sets of 5) pounds will put an end to that flexibility and I would feel better going on the hunt with a Clark (Kent) to my (Huey) Lewis.
I tend to think of little detailed situations like that which would be improved with a fellow gainerversian , such as having some immediate, present support in the event I was on the receiving end of some unfortunate momments (See Letting Go by Massive Mike). Of course, this all relates to my own gaining. I'm pretty open to being with another fatty or a not-so-fatty so I can see myself being pretty supportive myself in a variety of directions. My sense of direction is not a strong suit of mine, so my willingness to travel in so many is another sign of progress. That and noticing a double chin in pictures where a chiseled jaw (go with me here) once reigned supreme. As more and more guys enter this world and I hear about more and more successful couplings, my hope will go on and on. Ow, I just banged my chest really hard. It's ok... there was a bit of insulation.
Do I want too much? Did I mix too many metaphors? Why do I have to ask for bread at California Pizza Kitchen?
