Smelly Cat

A few years ago, and then a few years more, when I turned 18, I earned the right to vote, serve on a jury, buy cigarettes, and talk to people from the wide scary world that was the internet. I have since enjoyed 2.5 of the aforementioned rights. I think it was definitely a good call waiting until I turned 18 to talk to fellow residents of the gainerverse (my isolated bizarre attempt at 13 notwithstanding) as it made things more comfortable for me and anyone I was talking to in terms of the not-so-minor minor issue.

In my years as a speaking member of this gaining universe, I've made all kinds of friends: skinny friends, fat friends, friends I will probably only ever talk to online, friends I may see once every year or two at events or when traveling, friends I've known for a third of my life, friends I've just met, friends over 40 (to my fellow 20-somethings: it's true!), and even friends with whom I've almost forgotten how things started. I consider myself rather fortunate to have lived in areas with decent gay and gainer/encourager populations and to have not been too afraid to take a leap here and there to meet them. Remember kids: well-lit, public places and let someone know where you're going. While we can usually tell from a few conversations and probably a photo or two if we'll get along, there's no real way to predict how you'll get along.

Once upon a time I was going out with a fellow who was none too into gaining and was none too thrilled that I maintained a profile on beefyfrat. I tried explaining that talking to guys was quite different than "talking to guys" (cue Carrie Bradshaw in 3, 2, 1) and I couldn't help but wonder: Why do I have/want friends from the gaining world in the first place? I'm not saying I would do things exactly the same way if I had them to do all over again with the fellow, but he did get me thinking. Isn't it a little off for friendships to spring from a shared kink?

Yes and no. I can't lie and say I've never found any of my gaining/encouraging friends attractive. Well, I can... but I won't. However, one of the greatest thrills and threats in all of this is the potential for judgement. There's all kinds of talk of "have you gotten any comments?" and "what did people say after you put on so much so fast?" but sometimes even the heartiest fan of being teased for his weight/gain wants a respite from the negative connotation of such things.

Do guys who dig stilettos seek friendships with others like them? I have no idea, but ours is one of relatively few kinks that manifests itself physically. We gainers are tagged not necessarily as gainers, but as guys who have gained weight, who have gotten fat, who have let go, etc. Many kinks can completely stay behind closed doors, "in the closet," but while we may not need to express the arousal that comes along with it, we can't very well hide the changes we've undergone and it's nice to know that there are others who support your endeavors, who think you're fine as you are. Sometimes it feels amazing just to be able to chat about the TV show you saw where a character got huge in a dream sequence or when you first knew you wanted to be fat and sometimes it feels amazing to not utter the G word at all, but just to know you're with friends around whom you have no need to suck it in, no need to be self-conscious about ordering 2 desserts, no need to pretend you're not drooling over the guy 2 aisles in front of you at the movie who should have given up his t-shirt 25 pounds ago.

I certainly don't intend to imply that this is an all-or-nothing proposition: either you're romping naked in a kiddie pool of hot fudge (ow) or playing Connect Four while sipping hot tea (for my wimpy taste buds, ow) as I am aware there are huge grey areas between platonic, sexual, and romantic relationships, perhaps for us even more than in the traditional dating world... but friendships do form whether we're looking for them or not.

Have you formed friendships in the gainerverse? Have you sought them out or have they been more accidental? Are friendships based on pieces of our sexuality at their core crazy by nature? Would you like fries with that?

Incurably curiously,

Phil Doubt

P.S. I hope you don't mind my rambling. Just be glad you're not getting voicemail messages from me, unless of course you're one of my phone-a-friends.

What's that? Phone-a-friend was eliminated from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire earlier this month? I'm now using an outdated outdated pop culture reference? Shoot.

He has raisin!

Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages... though fewer ladies and girls and hopefully not too many boys. Gentlemen, step right up for the greatest blog on earth! (No joke- there was a crash of thunder outside right as I typed that exclamation point...) Or at least created on my laptop.

As there can be a fair degree of egotism in blogging, I will try to temper my thoughts with solicitations of yours. I also welcome solicitors... who come bearing Girl Scout cookies. Who can resist foods named after square dancing moves, anyway?

Sometimes I think we all get the impression we are the only ones thinking, feeling, or doing something, especially when it comes to gaining and encouraging (or feeding or inflating or padding or...). For some of us, this is terrifying and for some of us it is completely liberating. For me, it's often both at once. Who knows which direction(s) this thing will take over time, but for now I hope to throw things out there onto the figurative wall (like the expression, not like facebook, exactly) and see what sticks: what I think I have learned about myself and this shared interest of ours, of what I am still utterly clueless, who has similar perceptions, and who might have opposite views that make me see things in a new broader spectrum of light, and who's bringing plates, cups, and napkins to the party.

If what results is hot, it's probably by accident. If what results is funny, there is a 50/50 chance it's by accident. If what results wins a Nobel Prize, it's purely intentional.