In my years as a speaking member of this gaining universe, I've made all kinds of friends: skinny friends, fat friends, friends I will probably only ever talk to online, friends I may see once every year or two at events or when traveling, friends I've known for a third of my life, friends I've just met, friends over 40 (to my fellow 20-somethings: it's true!), and even friends with whom I've almost forgotten how things started. I consider myself rather fortunate to have lived in areas with decent gay and gainer/encourager populations and to have not been too afraid to take a leap here and there to meet them. Remember kids: well-lit, public places and let someone know where you're going. While we can usually tell from a few conversations and probably a photo or two if we'll get along, there's no real way to predict how you'll get along.
Once upon a time I was going out with a fellow who was none too into gaining and was none too thrilled that I maintained a profile on beefyfrat. I tried explaining that talking to guys was quite different than "talking to guys" (cue Carrie Bradshaw in 3, 2, 1) and I couldn't help but wonder: Why do I have/want friends from the gaining world in the first place? I'm not saying I would do things exactly the same way if I had them to do all over again with the fellow, but he did get me thinking. Isn't it a little off for friendships to spring from a shared kink?
Yes and no. I can't lie and say I've never found any of my gaining/encouraging friends attractive. Well, I can... but I won't. However, one of the greatest thrills and threats in all of this is the potential for judgement. There's all kinds of talk of "have you gotten any comments?" and "what did people say after you put on so much so fast?" but sometimes even the heartiest fan of being teased for his weight/gain wants a respite from the negative connotation of such things.
Do guys who dig stilettos seek friendships with others like them? I have no idea, but ours is one of relatively few kinks that manifests itself physically. We gainers are tagged not necessarily as gainers, but as guys who have gained weight, who have gotten fat, who have let go, etc. Many kinks can completely stay behind closed doors, "in the closet," but while we may not need to express the arousal that comes along with it, we can't very well hide the changes we've undergone and it's nice to know that there are others who support your endeavors, who think you're fine as you are. Sometimes it feels amazing just to be able to chat about the TV show you saw where a character got huge in a dream sequence or when you first knew you wanted to be fat and sometimes it feels amazing to not utter the G word at all, but just to know you're with friends around whom you have no need to suck it in, no need to be self-conscious about ordering 2 desserts, no need to pretend you're not drooling over the guy 2 aisles in front of you at the movie who should have given up his t-shirt 25 pounds ago.
I certainly don't intend to imply that this is an all-or-nothing proposition: either you're romping naked in a kiddie pool of hot fudge (ow) or playing Connect Four while sipping hot tea (for my wimpy taste buds, ow) as I am aware there are huge grey areas between platonic, sexual, and romantic relationships, perhaps for us even more than in the traditional dating world... but friendships do form whether we're looking for them or not.
Have you formed friendships in the gainerverse? Have you sought them out or have they been more accidental? Are friendships based on pieces of our sexuality at their core crazy by nature? Would you like fries with that?
Incurably curiously,
Phil Doubt
P.S. I hope you don't mind my rambling. Just be glad you're not getting voicemail messages from me, unless of course you're one of my phone-a-friends.
What's that? Phone-a-friend was eliminated from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire earlier this month? I'm now using an outdated outdated pop culture reference? Shoot.
Mr. Doubt, I'm glad I get to be your first commenter as well :) Speaking as one of those forgtten-how-it-started friends (it was 2003, the LGBT center in Kerckhoff Hall...) I must concur with what you've written here.
ReplyDeleteI'd say most of my gainer friends started off accidental, but like any friendship in life, they kinda just formed naturally... I completely agree with you about how wonderful and liberating it is to just be around other guys who have the same snake in their heads. To a large degree, having gainer friends has helped me to normalize all this for myself.
And yes, I would like fries with that.
Dear Mr Doubt,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, you're much too heavy for stilettos. Those peroneal tendons can only take so much. Best you wear flats.
Second, don't question what goes on in my play-pool. Not until you've tried it yourself.
But most importantly, whether you crave a respite or a guy at the movies, remember there’s always that league of on- and off-line allies who see beauty in the same vivid spectrum as you and know the pure ambrosial pleasure of the calorie-sculpted form. They’re the ones with the same privileged access to all the poetry and music that comes from witnessing the bulkier boy in motion. So that when you walk down the street, your mood a little frolicsome and fancy, there’s always someone somewhere who appreciates the full artistry of your shapely chassis and the thorough loveliness of that plump and playful face, no matter how many others fail to see. That’s the goodness in friendships that spring from a shared kink.
And please, I too will have fries.
As someone who hasn't yet really developed friendships with gainers, I think there's a real value to them. I haven't started gaining because of several factors, and it would would be so nice to have people to talk to who understand that I don't really enjoy being thin. People always say they envy how thin I am, and I never feel like I can tell them, "No, I want to be big!"
ReplyDeleteOh, and I may not be gaining right now, but I'll take some fries too.
Oh, I forgot to add, I love the tags you put on your entries. They crack me up.
ReplyDeleteHey there, just discovered your blog and I gotta say I love your random thoughts on gaining. :) I'd have to say, I do seek out people to talk to occasionally on various messaging programs, but one can never tell which acquaintances will become true friends.
ReplyDeleteI have met a handful of people in the gainer world, with mostly positive results, and there are several people whom I talk to on a fairly regular basis and am glad to have in my life. I think it's just that I like knowing I'm not alone, and as sfbaydude said, it's helped me normalize this whole thing. It's just nice to talk to people who understand why I'm so excited that the guy from CSI is plumping up, or in the case of my real life friend Eric (whom I also met online), people who not only don't mind me getting 2 desserts at the buffet, but who get 2 or 3 of their own. :)
Of course, there's always the (not-so) little hope that I'll find 'the one' and we'll live plumply ever after together... :)